By Margot Carmichael Lester

"I can't seem to find a date, no matter how hard I try," laments Sarah Schenke of Liberty, MO. "It's so frustrating. I feel like everyone knows something I don't."

Maybe they do. We assembled a panel of highly specialized love operatives to divulge their classified secrets for being a successful dater. No password, iris scan, or secret handshake required. Listen up and learn a thing or two.

No-date dilemma #1: Being too busy
"I'm trying to grow my career, which is seriously hampering my ability to meet someone," says Nancy Atwater of Boston. "I want a career and a boyfriend, but I'm finding it hard to do both."

Secret: Since you won't find love if you don't go looking, use your time more wisely. For instance, sit at the bar when you're dining alone-it's easier to chat with others. "Attend professional events and charity fundraisers," suggests Zachary Marcus Cesare Harris, author of When A Black Man Loves. "At professional events you tend to find people who are more serious about getting ahead in life. And charity events tend to bring out a wealth of people and split out those who are just looking to go out and get drunk." Also see if your house of worship hosts events on weekends for busy, career-minded single people-there may well be a charitable endeavor underway that would suit your schedule.

Bonus tip: Go online. It's faster, easier-and you can do it on your coffee break. "It's great because you get to find the answers to questions without having to have an awkward introduction to someone," Harris notes. For instance, after reading a person's profile and exchanging email, you'll know what role career, faith and other factors play in his or her life.

No-date dilemma #2: Seeking the perfect match
"I've got high standards, and I don't want to settle," says Davinda Mukerghee of San Francisco. "The problem is, I can't find anyone who meets them."

Secret: Your standards could be unreasonable, keeping suitable dates away, so carefully review your requirements. "Evaluate your concerns, anxieties, fears and insecurities about actually meeting someone with whom you may fall in love," suggests clinical psychologist James Tobin. "Not meeting your ideal is usually a smokescreen for wanting to stay away from a position of vulnerability and also signals that you may not feel that you are good enough. Working to enhance your own self-esteem and to accept your strengths and limitations will help you be more accepting of others and open and available to potential good matches."

No-date dilemma #3: Feeling bad about yourself
"I've always had a hard time meeting women," says Patric Lotero of El Paso. "After a lot of rejections, my confidence has really taken a hit."

Secret: Because people take their cues for how to treat you from how you treat yourself, feeling this way sends all the wrong signals. Solve the situation by building self-esteem. "It's the most potent weapon in our relationship arsenal," says psychologist Patricia Farrell, author of How to Be Your Own Therapist. "Low self-esteem means you are going to be treated like a doormat each time out. Tell yourself that you are worthwhile, that you have positive qualities, and that other people have to make you happy and make some sacrifices for you just as you would for them." Say it enough, and you'll start believing it. Suitors will, too.

No-date dilemma #4: Being afraid
"I know I should be more aggressive, but I'm afraid of getting hurt," notes Gail Bass of Coconut Grove, FL. Keeping yourself out of the game is a sure way not to find a winning match.

Secret: Take some chances. "I encourage people to tell themselves the truth about what they really want, as opposed to what they don't want," says executive coach Phil Holcomb of Extraordinary Learning. "Once I'm clear about what I want, I can take action to get it without worrying about my fear. It takes courage to make and keep commitments, especially relationship commitments. But I can find that courage in the certainty of what I want." When you admit to yourself what you really want - what's important to you - going after it feels more natural than when you try to explain away your needs (telling yourself, "Love just isn't in the cards for me now," and so forth). Admit what you want... and go for it! Try new activities, practice small talk with people who are waiting in line with you, and you'll start seeing positive results.

Freelancer Margot Carmichael Lester also pens the faith-based dating advice column. Email your question to AskMargot@match.com and you might find the answer in an upcoming edition.